Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
