I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
