We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize