dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
