haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she pinky promised me she was 18
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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