i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
