i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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