Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
