We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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