Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
