He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
