i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
