i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
