he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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