even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
