i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
