I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
