Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
