My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
