Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
