You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize