I just pynch a tree in the face
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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