Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
