The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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