that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
