so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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