i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize