The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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