The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it's like heaven, but drunker
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
