somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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