i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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