we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
