I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
