'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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