I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
