nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
