She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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