So drunk, too bad you don't want this
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
