I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
