..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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