I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
