I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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