i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want nice things and good sex
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
