her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
