What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize