I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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