when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
