How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
