i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
