I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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