If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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