lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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