Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
