I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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