don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
