I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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