I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
