If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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