After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
