You just made me feel so damn special
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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