Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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