I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
