oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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