what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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