imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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