this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize