I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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