You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
