sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
