I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
