The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
