Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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