He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
