So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
