Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
