Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it glows. i had to have it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
