There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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