There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
