On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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