I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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