I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
