I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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