How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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