Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize