so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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