This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
