the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
