You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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